The most comfortable relationship between people: speak up
this is the most comfortable state for people to interact with each other:
get along with each other without saying much, and say what you have to say.
01
between friends, if you have something to say
, if you have something to say, you can get closer.
Confucius said, "you can talk with words but not with them, and lose people."
obviously something you can say to him, but not to him.
the other person thinks you don't trust him, and you will lose friends over time.
when it comes to sharing a secret, you can gain a friend;
it's easy to talk deeply and reveal the truth.
A really smart person can keep a good balance.
you can do it without losing friends or saying the wrong thing.
between friends, it is important to speak bluntly and sincerely.
there is a saying in Zhuangzi: "if you are not refined and sincere, you cannot be moving."
if you have something to say, it is always insinuating and talking about him.
after a long time, misunderstandings occur and the two people drift apart.
A small thing can worsen into a big problem, affecting friendship.
No matter which party has something on its mind, it should be frank and direct, and put forward any opinions directly.
one word can make people jump, and every word can make people laugh.
if you have something to say, put the question on the table and everyone will be happy.
02
between husband and wife, if you have something to say
, if you have something to say, you can reduce conflicts.
Qian Zhongshu first met Yang Jiang in 1932.
when we met, the first thing he said was, "I'm not engaged."
Yang Jiang replied, "I don't have a boyfriend either."
after this straightforward opening, the two men began to pass on the books of Hong Yan.
letters are written more and more frequently, one letter a day, and the words are not enough.
one of the letters happened to be read by Qian Zhongshu's father.
in the letter, Yang Jiang said bluntly to Qian Zhongshu: "now we are happy and useless, we must have two fathers and brothers happy, and our happiness is always unhindered."
after reading the letter, the old man spoke highly of Yang Jiang.
between husband and wife, what is more frustrating than the disagreement between the three values is that there is something to say.
A lot of things, many words, do not say at that time, hold in the heart for a long time, contradictions will accumulate more and more.
the couple live, do not say anything roundabout, do not quarrel overnight.
if you have anything to say, you must speak before you go to bed.
when the words are open, the matter is turned over.
Don't make love every day, keep in touch at any time.
I know you won't leave, you know I won't change, miss each other and be busy with each other.
when you are happy, you have someone to share, and when you are sad, you have company.
No precautions when getting along, no scruples when chatting, this is the most comfortable relationship.
03
the estrangement can only be eliminated if there is something to say between the family members.
Hu Shi once told the story of his family in "Forty self-narration":
"Sister-in-law is the most incompetent and ignorant person, and the second sister-in-law is a very capable and narrow-minded person.
when they are angry, they just don't speak or answer, and put their faces down, which is ugly.
it dawned on me that the most disgusting thing in the world is an angry face, and
the dirtiest thing in the world is to show an angry face to others. This is worse than beating and scolding. "
Chinese people are generally more reserved. They always like to say three points, and the remaining seven points all rely on guessing.
if you say it well, it's enough, but if you don't say it well, you pretend to be deep.
you can hold back contradictions without contradictions. if you already have grievances, you will be tied into an inextricable knot.
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when a family is together, it is most important to be friendly.
if you have something on your mind, just say it and say it when you say it.
not only should we not lose closeness, but also pay attention to the ways and methods.
gratitude is more important than complaining, communication is more important than getting along.
if you're right, life will get better and better.