Never expect others to understand you.

have you ever had a moment when you wanted to be understood, but no matter how you expressed it, the other person still couldn't understand your feelings.

at that moment, you suddenly realized that there were so many emotions in your heart that only you could understand.

writer Su Gengsheng also said: "what a man wants to express is never what he says, but the desire to be understood."

the older you get, the more you understand that there is no empathy in this world. Even if you have had similar experiences, you will have different feelings.

so never expect others to understand you.

01

Human joys and sorrows are not connected

I have seen a particularly gripping video on Douyin.

the day before, the blogger went to attend the funeral of her college classmate. when she came back, she sent a video saying that she sang with her deceased classmate not long ago and sang Liu Ruoying's classic song "later".

at the funeral, when the classmate was pushed away and cremated, the classmate's mother pounced on the body and burst into tears.

although many people around me were moved, as the funeral drew to a close, it was quickly replaced by another emotion.

before I got out of the underground parking lot of the funeral home, a hot chat began among Wechat students.

everyone chatted lively about where the food was delicious and where they were going to have dinner, and kept making fun of each other, as if the funeral had nothing to do with them.

this makes bloggers suddenly feel very sad. In their eyes, the dead classmate seems to be less important than a meal.

on one side is the mother of the deceased classmate, crying bitterly, and on the other is the former classmate and friend, lively group chat.

whatever it looks like, it's like the sad plot of "your pain has nothing to do with me".

when bloggers lament that life is short, they are more likely to lament that people are cool.

in the eyes of others, your joys and sorrows are trifles, like dust that can be dispersed by a gust of wind, so light, so insignificant.

I remember Lu Xun described such a scene in his book:

"A man downstairs was sick to death, and the family next door was singing a gramophone, and the opposite was playing with children.

there are two people upstairs laughing and playing cards.

Don’t you think that it is time to add some super trendy orange peach dresses for bridesmaid to your wardrobe? This selection will save so much of your precious time.

there is a woman crying over her dead mother on the boat in the river.

Human joys and sorrows are not the same. I just think they quarrel. "

all kinds of beings in the world, look carefully, look at a mirror, reflect their own life;

scribble, see a lively, lively others, lively themselves.

to you, the big event that the sky is about to fall is just a small thing like snowflakes in the sky to others;

to you, the good thing that makes you rejoice, to others, it may be a stinging regret.

your sadness, your sadness, in others, is sometimes just hypocritical;

your happiness, your joy, in others, may be showing off.

how much can you say to people, whether happy or sad?

bitter without saying anything, happy without saying anything, may be the best state.

02

empathy is an extravagant hope.

I have read a passage: "some people live in tall buildings, some are in deep ditches, some are shining, and some are covered in rust."

in this world, empathy is an extravagant hope, and self-knowledge is the norm of life.

even if someone gives you comfort, you can clearly feel that you are the only one who feels the hardship and tiredness in your heart.

author Lin Juexia once told a story in his article.

her friend Xiao Zhang was fired by the company in disguise last year because of the epidemic.

this dismissal came as a complete surprise to Xiao Zhang. After all, he has been working for many years and can be regarded as the veteran of the company.

this makes Xiao Zhang very depressed.

when he was packing up and getting ready to leave, he wanted to talk to his colleagues who were close to him.

as soon as he opened his mouth, the colleague said to him, "dude, I'm a little busy at the moment. Why don't we have dinner some other time?"

when Xiao Zhang heard this, he understood what his colleague meant.

this is not the worst part. The worst thing is that when he goes home and wants to talk to his wife about his inner distress, he only gets his wife's complaints about losing his job and complaining about all the expenses in the family.

Xiaozhang, who has nowhere to tell, can only sneak into the bathroom and smoke a cigarette to ease his anguish.

I think of a true and heartbreaking remark:

"in this world, no one can really empathize with another person's pain. You have ten thousand arrows through your heart, and you are in pain, and it is only your own thing. Others may sympathize or sigh, but you will never know how far your wound will fester."

when I was young, I was always stubbornly outspoken: what's on your mind, you must tell it to people who understand it.

but the older you get, the less people really know you.

if you have something on your mind and go through your address book, it's hard to find someone who really knows you.

even if you find it, people may not have the time and patience to listen to your complaints.

you will eventually understand that everyone is a lonely existence in this world.

living in us is just like drinking water, knowing whether it is warm or cold.

03

never expect others to understand you

when I was browsing on moments a few days ago, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't seen my hair for a long time.The dynamics of Yao Yao.

when I clicked on her profile picture, I found that Yaoyao's circle of friends stayed in October last year and has not been updated since.

looking at her last circle of friends, I remember an experience she talked about at that time.

because she has been married for many years and has not been able to get pregnant, her mother-in-law is very anxious.

early last year, her mother-in-law ordered her to conceive a child or face divorce.

but half a year later, she went to many hospitals and took a lot of traditional Chinese medicine to recuperate, but there was still no sign of pregnancy.

the couple planned to have IVF, but just pre-operation preparation made Yao Yao feel devastated. She told her husband many times that she was too suffering and wanted to give up.

but the husband also wants to have a child, which makes the two old men feel at ease and let Yao Yao endure it every time.

what makes her feel even more sad is that she specially chose National Day short holiday for surgery, but as soon as she got off the operating table that day, she was informed by the unit leader that she had to work overtime temporarily.

she asked for leave from work with her leader on the phone, saying that she had just had an operation and was still observing in the hospital.

the leader not only did not approve leave, but also asked her to go back to work immediately, counting absenteeism in less than half an hour.

Yao Yao said that at that time she suddenly felt that no one around her understood her.

the leader has the interests and tradeoffs of the leader, the mother-in-law has the calculation and measurement of her mother-in-law, no one understands her grievances, and no one cares whether her body can stand the troubles.

looking at that circle of friends, I couldn't help sending Wechat to Yaoyao. Only then did I realize that she failed in a test tube, went through divorce formalities at the end of last year, and changed a new job at the beginning of this year, and now she is having a good time.

I agree with a passage: "if a needle is not stabbed into others, they will never know how painful it is."

it makes sense to think about it carefully.

things didn't happen to you, so you can always stay out of it and be a bystander.

only when things happen to you, will you understand that you will also be in pain.

in the adult world, no one can really understand each other.

everyone has their own sadness and bitterness. Understanding is a scarce product. If you expect others to understand you, you must be disappointed in the end.

therefore, it is the answer to that sentence: "it is difficult for others to understand, sorrow and joy."

in life, only you can really understand yourself.

04

life is not long, learn to keep warm alone

like a passage: "people always swallow some grievances, then dry their tears without a word and move on."

Yes! There are many grievances in life, which can only be digested by ourselves in the end.

there are not so many hugs in the cold wind, so we have to put our hands in our pockets.

there are not so many umbrella edges to squeeze on rainy days, so we can only be caught in the rain alone.

but we should always believe:

the cold wind stops,

the rainy day clears up, and

We will grow stronger and stronger on our own.

Life is not long. May we learn to keep warm alone for the rest of our lives.